weinerdog

on a positive note, miranda july starring in a blonde redhead music video.

i love her pants-body ratio.

Who the f. came up with the idea for Edible Arrangements gift baskets? 40 pounds of ripe fruit cut into the shapes of flowers, so you have to race to eat said fruit as fast as you can as to avoid spoiling? What a gift. If you truly dislike someone, buy them an assload of fruit in a bouquet towered so high they can’t put it in their fridge.

I hate the commercials. I hate the trucks. And most of all, I hate finding one rotting on my back porch, because the Edible Arrangements delivery person assumed I would be back within the hour, and not within seven days.

I get particularly depressed thinking about people who find this idea “fun for the office”.

Since I heard the news that the next season will be the final season of the L word last week, I noticed that I watched the show with much more attention and appreciation last night. Kind of like a friend that you know whose time is limited, I really listened this time. I thoroughly enjoyed Pam Grier’s scene when she grabbed a gun and sped off in her sweet pale pistachio Cadillac. I laughed a bit too zealously when Shane and Jenny took hits from a bong made of an empty 2- liter soda bottle.

I muttered swear words at Adele, who sabotaged Jenny and her film. I secretly cheered Alice on when she served the ladies on the View-like show she guest-starred on.

However, my support and warm feelings stopped cold in one of the moments at the end. The gun situation. SPOILER after jump.

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So, the Hollywood Reporter has confirmed that Michael Bay (Transformers, Armageddon, Bad Boys I AND Bad Boys II) will be involved in a remake of the Roman Polanski classic Rosemary’s Baby.

What are they going to remake next, Taxidriver? The Birds? Oh, wait, there is a remake for The Birds coming out in 2009. Gross.

Dear Jack LaLanne,

You’re kind of my hero.

I was reading about the importance of pushups in withstanding the difficulties of aging in the New York Times, and discovered Jack LaLanne, “the godfather of physical fitness.”

In addition to setting a world record for pushups in 1956, for doing 1,033 pushups in 23 minutes, Jack invented the first leg extension machine, opened the first “health studio” in 1936, and created many fitness videos, including a “face workout” video. He also swam the length of the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge underwater with 140 pounds of equipment in 1954. Twenty years later, at the age of 61, he swam the same distance handcuffed, shackled and towing a 1,000-pound boat.

Top it all off with a website that would make any art school kid green with ironic envy, and a Jack LaLanne Power Juicer. This man is golden. And I want to meet him. (Did I mention, he’s 93 and still kicking hard?)

Here’s a video from the 1950’s of Jack doing fingertip push ups.

I can’t stop watching the new Kaki King video, for the song “Pull Me Out Alive” from her new album Dreaming Of Revenge. It’s oddly hypnotic. This video is especially impressive because it was made using only still photos (approximately 5,000) from multiple Nikon digital SLR’s. All light trails were executed by hand.

The New York Times posted a tabloidy article online entitled “Woman at the Center of the Governor’s Downfall” about the 22 year-old escort, Ashley Youmans who was allegedly involved with resigned N.Y. Governor Elliot Spitzer on February 13. I was really annoyed by the title. Wasn’t Elliot’s JUNK at the center of his downfall? I’m not going to provide links to her myspace page because A.: the New York Times so tastefully broadcast it already, and B.: I think the kind of attention she is getting is disgusting. I feel bad for the girl. She’s in for the media slamming of a lifetime.

Michael Cera rules. If you agree, check out the show that he and his friend, Clark Duke, wrote at clarkandmichael.com.

So by now you probably heard this shocking statistic: 1 in 4 teenage girls has a sexually transmitted disease. Today, the the 2003-04 government survey results were released at a CDC conference in Chicago. I’m wondering why it took 4 years to inform the public about this. As with many statistics, I think it’s important to look at it within its context. I think that with the onset of HPV (which can be transmitted through a condom, and without full sexual intercourse), a lot of newer statistics on STD’s will be jarringly high.

In the study, the most prevalent STD (18% of the girls surveyed tested positive for it) was HPV (Human Papilloma Virus), which incidentally affects at least 50% of sexually active men and women at some point in their lives (according to the CDC website).

So what’s the point of this study? In order to prevent the increase of the disease’s prevalence, the CDC concluded that all girls ages 11-12 should be administered the HPV vaccine, Gardasil. However, the vaccine protects against only certain strains of the disease that can cause cervical cancer. Plus, it has only been around since June of 2006. So far, there have been some serious adverse reactions and approximately 11 deaths reported worldwide from the vaccine.

Interestingly enough, Merck, the maker of Gardasil is ‘helping finance campaigns to get states to pass legislation that would make it mandatory for girls as young as 11 or 12 to receive’ the vaccine. It makes me wonder who helped fund the study, as they did not test for STD’s and STI’s like HIV or Hepatitis. It also makes me wonder who helped fund the conference where this information was disclosed.

Damn, Spitzer. Way to spend $4,300 on a prostitute the day before Valentine’s Day.

All I have to say is, his poor wife Silda, who, for some reason, was present at the press conference today. I don’t know how she did it. He better watch out, she might go Medea on his ass.

And to the “models” of the Emperor’s Club: Up to $5,500 an hour? Almost $31,000 per day? I want to meet these women. They must have stories. They could annihilate many a well-known male’s reputation in one breath.

The main problem I have with the Spitzer debacle is he denounced such corruption in 2004 when he announced the arrests of 16 people for running a prostitution ring out of Staten Island. The hypocrisy runs deep. Not to mention, if he was using government money to support his expensive, high profile sexual appetite…